we have the higher ground

Month: May, 2013

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And then sometimes all the things you love are better when they’re darker. The sky and its clouds, heavy hearts and heavier bones. Sometimes you know things are going to get worse, but it’s worth staying along for the ride even though you’ll end up battered and bruised crying on the floor at night.

The moment when you realise that you’re not even half way through, there’s even more pain to come, this is the splinter before the infection but there’s a chance things might end up okay if you let your body recover naturally, sometimes my photos just look better darker.

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It’s grown colder. As cold as it can get in Australia, anyway. I wore broken shoes to work for a week before I realised perhaps its time to let them go- summer was far more forgiving. Dark clouds thick with mist roll overhead every morning through the darkness I travel to work in. Often I run for my bus and the air is so cold that the warm moisture from my eyes form tears to roll down my face. It’s times like these I remember that it never rained before hand, before now. In the time that was between all the things, it never rained.

I’ve started renting out a studio space in the city, it’s an alleyway behind my workplace and sometimes in my early morning lunch breaks I climb the stairs up to our story so I can sit on the balcony and watch our city in a daze before returning to my desk at a local internet company where i work. Once I’m there I roll out my super-smooth-work voice for the rest of the afternoon. It rolls easy, just like the days do.

I went interstate to regroup, as I always do. It worked. I spent my days with my camera and the setting sun, and  evenings with friends having dinner in small cafes. Sometimes I smoked, and remembered that I hate what it does to me. Most of the time I spent affirming all the decisions that I’ve made- after all someone has to. It was a welcome change and brought the reminder that love always wins. Life isn’t perfect but it’s easy and I appreciate taking things slow, because I’m going to get it right this time- I can feel it.

 

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