we have the higher ground

things have been going well since my last post. Perhaps that’s the reason for not writing, When things are good you just want to live it. Of course, there have been hard times, but I feel better than I have in a while. I’d sunk into a couple of routines, turned them into habits and forgotten that (something I read the other day) ‘most people think happiness is about gaining something, but it’s not. It’s about getting rid of the darkness you acquire’. It’s easy, when you start making more decisions for yourself- where you live, where you work, to start thinking this is the way that it is. I like to prepare myself to think in other ways. A big thing for me is diet, I made the change to eat healthier almost a year ago ,- I’ve been a vegetarian for 8 years now, so it was all about cutting out processed sugars mostly, as I had a pretty low grease-fat diet beforehand. And while I eat healthy when I’m out, when I’m home I eat so simple (mostly vegie patties and avo for dinner). There’s no one to nag me to get back on track, and it can get pretty gloomy cooking for one- uninspiring and can get pretty bland. So perhaps it’s time that I think it’s time I made a conscious effort to bring veggies back.

The more I read, the more I believe that what you eat doesn’t just effect your body, it effects your mood. I rarely eat dairy, already drink almond milk and have soy yoghurt- but perhaps it’s the time for the transition… dundunDUN veganism? Right now it’d just be removing cheese from my diet and a lot of other sweet snacks I consume without thinking. The hardest part? Actually preparing food. Thinking in advance because if you’re out and getting peckish you need more knowledge/ thought about what you consume before you grab a cheeky thing off the shelf. So I’ve been starting small, cooking veggies and collating small dishes. Using nuttelex (a vegan spread) and olive oil seems a good start. Dairy goes through a lot of processing, and another thing I’m wary of as a vegetarian is how these animals are treated.

The other day I was reading and I came across the following “If I am a witch, then so be it, I said. And I took to eating black things – huitlacoche, coffee, dark chiles, the bruised part of fruit, the darkest, blackest things to make me hard and strong.” I like the strength that comes from it, but in most ways it reminds me of my teen years “then so be it, I said. And I took to smoking cigarettes, things to make me look hard and strong” when really they didn’t change who I was and the statement is more of a retaliation than anything. I think it’s time I shied away from the teenager in me who still slightly resonates with that. Fresh, colourful fruits and vegetables for me. Happy spring all! x

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And then sometimes all the things you love are better when they’re darker. The sky and its clouds, heavy hearts and heavier bones. Sometimes you know things are going to get worse, but it’s worth staying along for the ride even though you’ll end up battered and bruised crying on the floor at night.

The moment when you realise that you’re not even half way through, there’s even more pain to come, this is the splinter before the infection but there’s a chance things might end up okay if you let your body recover naturally, sometimes my photos just look better darker.

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It’s grown colder. As cold as it can get in Australia, anyway. I wore broken shoes to work for a week before I realised perhaps its time to let them go- summer was far more forgiving. Dark clouds thick with mist roll overhead every morning through the darkness I travel to work in. Often I run for my bus and the air is so cold that the warm moisture from my eyes form tears to roll down my face. It’s times like these I remember that it never rained before hand, before now. In the time that was between all the things, it never rained.

I’ve started renting out a studio space in the city, it’s an alleyway behind my workplace and sometimes in my early morning lunch breaks I climb the stairs up to our story so I can sit on the balcony and watch our city in a daze before returning to my desk at a local internet company where i work. Once I’m there I roll out my super-smooth-work voice for the rest of the afternoon. It rolls easy, just like the days do.

I went interstate to regroup, as I always do. It worked. I spent my days with my camera and the setting sun, and  evenings with friends having dinner in small cafes. Sometimes I smoked, and remembered that I hate what it does to me. Most of the time I spent affirming all the decisions that I’ve made- after all someone has to. It was a welcome change and brought the reminder that love always wins. Life isn’t perfect but it’s easy and I appreciate taking things slow, because I’m going to get it right this time- I can feel it.

 

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I always had trouble finding balance. Lust leaves me making compromises I don’t know I’m making. Time spent with late brunches and afternoons in bed, which are as worthwhile as they are enjoyable- become a focus and projects become an afterthought. Good thing I’ve been too burnt out for projects anyway these last few months.
Nevertheless, it’s different now-  I spent this late-sunday-afternoon with these photos from WOMADelaide 2013, curled up in that old antique chair of mine, with the yellow throw wrapped around me and the Yeah Yeah Yeahs echoing across the room.

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CLS @ Norwood Fashion Market

If you missed Adelaide’s finest (and my absolute favourite) mother-daughter duo Clothes Line Saga today at Norwood Place Parades on Norwood Parade & Fashion Market, you know where to find them!

(@ their site or their home base over @ 238 Rundle StreetAdelaideSA)